Western Desire Page 8

  She watched him as each word came, as if she were trying to figure out what he wasn’t saying. “Nothing’s turned out like how it was supposed to. Not what happened back home, not my time here, and not seeing you again.” She shook her head. “Everything is so confusing.”

  He didn’t doubt it. “I know. But it doesn’t have to be. Marry me, Hannah. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

  He’d always imagined that after saying those words, the woman he was speaking to would laugh or cry and jump into his arms in happiness.

  But none of those things happened. Instead, Hannah remained still, contemplating his words.

  He was pushing too hard too fast. “You don’t have to answer now. This is a big decision, and I understand if you need time to think about it.”

  Finally, she bit her lip and nodded. “I do.”

  Although it hurt to hear the indecision, he would respect it. Still, he wanted to leave her with something more to think about.

  He stepped closer to her, and her eyes widened. “What are you doing?”

  “I won’t try to sway you, but I want you to remember something when you’re making your decision.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against his body, and she shivered at the touch. “I want you to remember what it feels like to be with me.”

  “I don’t want to lose control,” she said, but she didn’t pull away.

  He ran his hands up and down her back. “I can’t think when I’m holding you like this, when our bodies are together. When I kiss you, I lose all sense of time and place, and it feels like my heart will explode from how hard it’s pounding. You might lose control, but you still have complete control over me.”

  Her mouth fell open in surprise, and he couldn’t wait a moment longer. “Kiss me, Hannah.”

  He thought she’d hesitate, pull back from the intimacy flowing between them.

  Her lips met his before he could even draw in breath. Groaning, his hands slid up to her neck, diving into her hair, and holding her as shocks of pleasure raced through him. The connection between them was more than he’d ever felt, and with every kiss they shared, it only seemed to grow stronger.

  Her hands pulled at his coat as if she needed an anchor.

  Realizing they were still in the front of the shop and could be seen by anyone who passed by, he broke from their kiss. Before she could complain, he scooped her up in his arms and raced to the back room.

  There was a small sofa back there, and he sat down, placing her across his lap. “I thought we might need a little privacy.”

  She looked at him seriously. “I think you’re right.” But instead of jumping back in where they left off, she only continued to look at him as he held her in his arms. “I don’t know what you want.”

  “I just want you,” he said honestly. “Just how you are. I don’t want you to be anything else. Please believe that.”

  Tentatively, her hands went around his neck, her fingers playing with the hair at his nape. He groaned and closed his eyes at the sensation.

  When he opened them again, she looked surprised by his reaction.

  “You don’t know what your touch does to me,” he admitted. “It’s the most pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life.”

  As if his words were having a magical effect on her, her breathing changed, her breath coming in heavier pants. “This thing between us, it’s too much.”

  He shook his head. “It’s rare and special.”

  He wondered if she’d deny it, but she only shook her head. “I know. But it’s still so much. It makes me feel things I never imagined.”

  His entire body clenched with need, and he pulled her close to him again. “Darling, if you say yes, I’m going to make you feel things you’ve never dreamed of.”

  Her eyes were wide when he pulled her away from him, and he leaned in for a soft kiss, sealing his words. He nipped at her, playing, tasting, taking his time.

  He wanted to spend the rest of his life learning her.

  Finally, he leaned back and groaned. “Please don’t keep me waiting.”

  Instead of laughing, she looked even more serious. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted honestly.

  “Tell me what’s holding you back.” She shifted to get more comfortable on his lap, but he held her hips still. He only had so much control. “Speak freely.”

  She sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t want to go east. I don’t want to go back to that environment. I don’t want to mingle in a society that treated me so horribly. I’ve made a life here, a home. The people here matter to me.” She looked into his eyes. “This is where I belong.”

  He wanted to say that she belonged with him, but he didn’t. “I understand. It’s obvious to me that you’ve grown to love it here. And I also see that it has helped shape you into a different person, one I admire greatly.”

  Her shoulders fell. “So you can see why I don’t want to leave.”

  “I do,” he said, nodding understandingly. “I have to be in New York because of business. But,” he added quickly when she opened her mouth to argue, “I don’t need to be there all the time. If you want, we could live here half the year.”

  She gasped. “You’d do that? Truly?”

  “If it was what you wanted, if it made you happy, absolutely. And if you want no part in society”—he shrugged—“I don’t mind. It’s been a hardship dealing with them all these years.”

  Hope filled her eyes. “But what about your connections? Won’t that be a problem for business?”

  His lips curved softly, and he tucked an errant curl behind her ear before wrapping his arms around her. “I have more money than we could ever spend. This copper mine alone is going to triple what I have. If I lose connections because we don’t attend someone’s soiree, then I’m not really worried about it.”

  “You’ve given me a lot to think about,” she said. And for the first time, he could hear hope in her voice.

  “Take your time. There’s no rush. When you’re ready, tell me.”

  She looked like she wanted to say something more, but instead, she pressed her lips together and nodded.

  She knew what he wanted, and he knew she wanted it as well. He only hoped that that part of her would win.

  Chapter 12

  It was midnight and Hannah still couldn’t sleep. She’d been in bed for hours, tossing and turning, replaying every moment of her conversation with Nathan.

  He was willing to live here for half the year. He wouldn’t force her to rejoin the society that had almost destroyed her. He wanted her to be happy.

  It was everything she had hoped for, and yet she still hesitated. He wanted to give her everything, but he hadn’t spoken of the one thing that mattered more than anything.

  Love.

  He hadn’t told her he loved her.

  She’d already admitted to herself that she loved him, but she needed his love in return. She didn’t want to have a lopsided marriage. And if he didn’t end up loving her, she would slowly wither away. She could never be happy in a marriage without it.

  The old Hannah might have managed, but now that she knew what marriage could be like, she wanted it.

  It was likely he would end up loving her. He cared for her, he liked her, and they were already friends. It wouldn’t take much more for him to love her. Was she willing to give up everything they had because she was afraid?

  She punched her pillow, wiggling to get comfortable, but when she failed once again, she flung off the covers in frustration. Getting out of bed, she put on her robe, tying the belt before heading for the kitchen. Maybe a snack would settle her.

  She was looking at the leftovers Sylvia, their housekeeper, had stored when she heard footsteps heading in her direction.

  A moment later, Grace popped her head in. “Couldn’t sleep?” she asked.

  Hannah tried to smile but failed. “No. You?”

  “I was up late reading when I heard you come down.”

  “Ah
. Sorry.”

  Grace waved her away. “Never be sorry for a midnight snack. This was the excuse I needed to gorge myself on Charlotte’s cake.”

  Amusement wove through her. “You have one of Charlotte’s cakes stashed here?”

  “Yes.” Grace moved over to one of the lower cabinets, opened the door, and pulled out a thickly frosted lemon cake. She snickered. “I have to hide them or there’s never enough left.”

  Hannah’s brow rose. “How many slices do you need?”

  “All of them,” Grace said innocently before placing the cake in front of Hannah. “But I’m willing to share one with you.” She handed Hannah a knife.

  “Thank you so much,” she said dryly, cutting the cake with ease. She placed two thick slices on dessert plates while Grace grabbed forks.

  They moved over to the rough wooden table in the kitchen. They ate in there more often now that most of the women had moved out of the house. The formal dining room was just too big for the two of them.

  In silence, they ate a few bites, relishing the tart lemony taste. It helped distract Hannah for a moment, but then all her thoughts and doubts crept back in.

  “Want to talk about it?” Grace offered between bites. “I can tell something is bothering you.”

  The knee-jerk reaction to refuse came to her lips, but she stifled the impulse. That’s what the old Hannah would have done. “Yes, actually.”

  “Is it Mr. Branson?”

  “Yes. He’s asked me to marry him.”

  Grace looked at her consideringly. “And you don’t want to?”

  “I do—but I don’t.”

  Grace let out a small laugh. “Definitely complicated.”

  Hannah shook her head, grateful Grace could help bring some levity to the situation. “My biggest fear was that he’d refuse to remain here. I have no desire to move east again and pick up where I left off.”

  Grace gaped. “He’s willing to stay here?”

  “For half the year.”

  “Still. I’m surprised.”

  “I am too. It was a large concession. But I love it here. This is my home now. I don’t want to lose it.”

  Grace nodded. “I’m glad he realizes that, that he knows how important it is to you.”

  “He does.” And she was so lucky for it. “He also said he didn’t expect me to reenter society if I didn’t want to.” Grace didn’t respond, and Hannah looked at her. “What?”

  Grace lingered over her next bite. “I know it was bad there. I know something happened, but I don’t know what.” She looked at her with concern.

  Hannah blew out a breath and slowly pushed her plate away, having lost her appetite. She didn’t like talking about what had happened, but Grace was her friend. “Someone hurt me.” When Grace remained quiet, Hannah continued, forcing out the story as if telling it to someone would ease the pain.

  “My family was in the upper circles of society. We were invited everywhere. But my parents didn’t really care about my brother and me other than what we could do for them. Upon my parent’s death, it was assumed their fortune would be split between us and that whoever married me would end up wealthy.”

  Grace sucked in a breath. “Oh no.”

  Hannah could only nod. “As you can guess, men threw themselves at me, offering marriage. I had no intention of settling down yet, especially with a man who only wanted me for my money. I refused them all.”

  “But they couldn’t accept that?” Grace guessed.

  “No.” Hannah flashed back to that night and shuddered.

  Grace reached out and took her hand. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  “I think I need to.” Hannah had held it inside too long, letting it fester.

  When Grace nodded with understanding, Hannah continued. “I’d rejected a man named Robert Leslie—repeatedly—but he still wouldn’t stop. One night, he cornered me in the conservatory. He’d been visiting with my brother that night, and he must have been waiting for the opportunity to get me alone.”

  Hannah glanced unseeing at her plate. “He offered marriage again, but when I rejected him, he became angry. I hadn’t ever seen him like that. It was like he was a totally different person. He said he would ruin me if he had to, but he would get the money my parents had left me.”

  Hannah laughed without humor. “He didn’t realize that they’d hardly left me anything. I wasn’t the prized heir, after all.”

  She looked at Grace, and the woman only watched her with a gentle look. No judgement. No pity. And the rest spilled out. “He pulled me to the ground, forced his mouth on mine. I bit him and screamed, but he slapped me and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t make a sound. But he’d covered my nose too, and I couldn’t breathe. I felt him—” She shook her head and closed her eyes against the anguish and terror that filled her. “He was hiking up my skirts when one of the footmen found us.”

  Grace let out a long breath. “Thank heavens. What happened to him?”

  “He left the house.”

  Grace’s jaw fell open. “He didn’t go to jail?”

  “No. My brother didn’t want a scene. And if anyone found out, I’d be ruined.” Hannah closed her eyes. “It didn’t matter though. Word spread, and once my brother told Robert that I’d been left with next to nothing, he rescinded his offer of marriage. Not that I would have him. Even ruined, I wouldn’t have married him.”

  Grace floundered. “What did your brother do?”

  “He distanced himself from me. He didn’t want to be tainted by what I’d done.”

  “You didn’t do anything!”

  Hannah appreciated her friend’s defense. “I know. I’d been walking in my own home. I should have been safe.”

  “Your brother should have protected you, stood by your side.”

  Hannah shook her head. “But he didn’t. It was more important to him to keep his own reputation intact. The scandal would have dampened his business prospects…or so he thought. He decided it was best if I remain in the house. I wasn’t allowed to even walk in the park.” Her voice lowered. “It was like a prison.”

  “You were in prison.”

  Hannah agreed. “I didn’t fight it because I knew what everyone thought of me. I was an outcast in the society where I’d lived all my life. In the blink of an eye, I’d lost everything. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what to do. And on top of it all, I was afraid. No matter how strong I thought I was, I hadn’t been able to stop Robert from hurting me. I never wanted to put myself in a position like that again.”

  “Then what changed? Why come here?”

  It still amazed Hannah. “I knew my life would remain like that forever if I stayed. And no matter how afraid I was of what had happened, I was more afraid of living like that. When I got Lucas’ offer to come here, saying that the Copper Kings would protect me, that I would be living with a bunch of other women, that I’d have freedom to choose what I wanted to do, it was the lifeline I needed.”

  “What did your brother think?”

  Hannah bit her lip. “I didn’t tell him. I knew he wouldn’t approve, but it didn’t matter to me. My parents had left me very little, and I saw this as my only way out. A chance to start a real life. I had to take it. So I left him a note of where I was going, assuring him this was for the best.”

  Grace shook her head in disgust. “Have you heard from him?”

  “No. But it’s better that way. I know he doesn’t care, and I’ve come to terms with that.”

  Grace squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through something like that. I’m in awe of you.” Hannah quickly shook her head, but Grace wouldn’t let her brush the compliment away. “I mean it. You’re so strong. To go through something like that, to lose everything, and then take a chance to come to a new place takes strength. Especially when you’re afraid.”

  Hannah had never really thought of herself that way—she’d only ever tried to survive�
�but the way Grace looked at her, she felt strong. “I never thought of that. Thank you. And thank you for listening. It helped.”

  “I’m glad. We’re all here for you. You know that, right?”

  “I do.” And she’d forever be grateful to the women who’d embraced her. “And that’s why I can’t bear the thought of leaving.”

  “Would you rather stay here and lose him?”

  The same question had been going through her mind all day and night. Finally, she let out a breath. “I don’t want to lose him.” She looked at her friend. “I love him.”

  Grace’s small smile grew. “Then I think you know what you need to do.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “Isn’t it?” Grace gave her a pointed look and then brought her plate to the sink.

  It was a tough choice—but wasn’t she just doing the same thing the others had? Thinking everything was standing in the way when the only thing blocking her was fear.

  Truly, she didn’t mind living part of the time in New York. And now that she knew Nathan wouldn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to, she was happy with returning to the city. She’d still paint, still live in Promise Creek half the time and see her friends, and she’d have Nathan. Nothing was stopping her from having the life she wanted except her. “He doesn’t love me,” she finally said, admitting the real problem out loud.

  Grace faced her again. “Did he say he didn’t?”

  “No. But he didn’t say he did.”

  “Well, did you?”

  “Did I what?”

  “Did you tell him that you loved him?”

  “Of course not! I wasn’t going to be the first to say it.”

  “Why not?” Grace crossed her arms.

  “Because I don’t want to make a fool of myself.” It sounded so childish when she said it out loud.

  Grace walked back to the table. “If he’s what you want, don’t you think it’s worth the risk? You’ve already come so far, blown past so many obstacles. You can do this.”

  Hannah sunk in her chair. “Why does it always sound so easy when someone else says it?”

  Grace laughed. “Love is hard. But once you work through it, it’s worth it. Trust me, when I find the right one, I’m going to need plenty of advice from you all.”